Name-calling!

Animal insults that probably aren't in President Trump's vocabulary

I hope the Bloomberg News reporter Catherine Lucey is basking in the glory of having been called “piggy” by the president of the United States; I myself would be tickled pink. The incident was startling not only because it was so gratuitously rude but also because all it was was gratuitously rude. “Piggy” generally implies that someone is fat or greedy or both — but Lucey is, to all evidence, neither.

Maureen Dowd wrote about the episode in her column in The New York Times, observing: “Trump loves to call people who annoy him ‘pigs’ and ‘dogs,’ and in the case of his inamorata Stormy Daniels, ‘horseface.’”

But those insults, including “piggy,” are so devoid of nuance! So generic! And so many animals can be invoked in interestingly insulting ways! I thought you — or perhaps President Trump — might like to see some more inventive possibilities, so I’ve compiled a list, from aardvark to zebra. I’ve grouped terms about related creatures, such as birds or dogs, together. Long quotes containing links are cribbed from Wikipedia, long quotes without links are courtesy of Google’s Gemini AI, and most brief definitions are from Merriam-Webster.

If I’ve missed any animal insults that belong on this list, please do share them in the comments on this post.

Animal insults

aardvark, a silly or blundering person. The word “has also appeared in popular culture as a mild, almost nonsensical, insult. In an episode of the British sitcom Blackadder the Third, the main character Edmund Blackadder gets stuck when attempting to rewrite the dictionary and mentions the word ‘aardvark’ in a frustrated manner, adding to its association with something comically basic or difficult. In the movie Labyrinth, the phrase ‘your Mother is a fraggin’ aardvark!’ is used as a minor insult.”

ant. “In the Aeneid, Book 4, Virgil compares the world of Dido, queen of Carthage, with a colony of ants. Campbell argues that Dido’s people are hardworking, strong, unfailingly loyal, organised, and self-regulating: just the sort of world that the hero Aeneas would like to create. But, Campbell argues, the simile also suggests that Carthage’s civilisation is fragile and insignificant, and could readily be destroyed.”

to ape, to copy closely but often clumsily and ineptly.

ass, a stupid or foolish person.

birdbrain, a stupid or scatterbrained person; chick, a derogatory term for Kash Patel’s girlfriend; cuckoo, crazy; to parrot, to repeat unthinkingly; vulture, a rapacious or predatory person.

catty, slyly spiteful.

chameleon, a person who often changes their beliefs or behavior in order to please others or to succeed.

dog, a worthless or contemptible person; bitch, a nasty woman; a son of a bitch, an offensive or disagreeable person; what a dog, used to characterize someone, usually a man, as unattractive, unfaithful, or morally reprehensible.

eel, someone squirmy and slimy, hard to pin down (courtesy of Jeffrey L. Kaufman)

fox, a cunning or sly person; vixen a shrewish, ill-tempered woman.

frog, pejorative for a French person, from the use of frogs’ legs in French cuisine.

goose, a silly person.

grasshopper. “In the Iliad, Homer compares the Trojans to stridulating grasshoppers, which the classicist Gordon Lindsay Campbell believes to imply that they make a lot of noise but are weaker and less determined than they think.”

hyena. “In 1890, the trades unionist Chummy Fleming marched with a group of unemployed people through the streets of Melbourne, displaying a banner with the message ‘Feed on our flesh and blood you capitalist hyenas: it is your funeral feast.’”

louse, a contemptible person.

mouse, a timid person.

mulish, unreasonably and inflexibly obstinate.

old goat, used as an insulting way to refer to an old man.

old cow, used as an insulting way to refer to an old woman.

ostrich, a person who does not face reality.

pig, a dirty, gluttonous, or repulsive person, an immoral woman; swine, a contemptible person.

rat, a contemptible person, such as one who betrays or deserts friends or associates, a strikebreaker, or an informer.

snail, someone extremely slow; slug, someone lazy and loathsome.

sheep, a timid docile person, especially one easily influenced or led; mutton dressed as lamb, a woman who tries to make herself look younger by wearing clothes designed for young people.

turkey, a stupid, foolish, or inept person.

shark, a predatory person (courtesy of Jeffrey L. Kaufman)

shrimp, a very small or puny person.

snake a worthless or treacherous fellow; snake in the grass, a secretly faithless friend.

squirrelly odd, eccentric, or morally dubious or questionable.

toad, a contemptible or ugly person.

weasel, someone of changeable morals and values, not to be trusted (courtesy of Jeffrey L. Kaufman).

worm, a human being who is an object of contempt, loathing, or pity.

zebra, in compound insults: “The most prominent example is from the movie Hook (1991), where Peter Banning calls Rufio a ‘two-toned, zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain...’ as part of a long string of insults. This shows it can be incorporated into creative, albeit fictional, verbal abuse. The more vulgar compound term ‘zebrafucker’ has appeared on user-submitted slang websites as an insult.”