Harold Davis, of Ipswich, Mass., writes: “I find it irritating when, after they bring me my order at a restaurant, waitstaff give me a cheery ‘Enjoy!’ I know it’s well-meant, but it still sounds like a command — an order for my order. If they have to say anything, I’d prefer something like ‘I hope you enjoy your meal.’”
Oh, Harold, have you come to the right place! I’ve been fulminating against “Enjoy!” and its ilk for a quarter of a century (see my 2000 book Word Court, pp. 51-52; “We are not telling you to read this article,” The Boston Globe, Oct. 28, 2020; and “Signs of Our Times,” ibid., Aug. 15, 2023). Friends and acquaintances on two continents have told me that commands in social settings are a peeve of theirs too.
It’s not just “Enjoy!” that sets some of us off; so do the signs that people hang in their homes — ones like “Live, Love, Laugh” and “Gather.” Clearly, not everyone is averse to being good-humoredly told what to do — which leaves those of us who are averse feeling both grumpy and grinch-y.
May I suggest that you and I and others like us consider that there are inoffensive social commands — like “Help yourself to a piece of cake” and “Be sure to wear a warm jacket.” These tend to express something selfless: I’m not telling you to have some cake but offering it to you if you’d like some. It’s not important to me that you dress warmly, but I expect it will be important to you.
Thus, so-called commands are not necessarily commands, or orders, just as possessives (like “a fool’s errand” or “Saturday’s child”) don’t necessarily signify possession. Their shade of meaning can be more like “May you enjoy …” or “Let us gather.” Both of which, you’ll notice, are also grammatically commands but are ones unlikely to annoy anyone.
Email me with your language questions, peeves, problems, etc., at barbaraswordshop@gmail.com, and I’ll respond as soon as I can. Correspondence may be edited. If you subscribe to The Boston Globe, look for my column, “May I Have a Word,” in the Ideas section every other Sunday.
is there a way to subscribe to your May I Have a Word column without a boston globe subscription?
One time I was in a fast food line, and when the person working the counter handed her cutomer his order, she said 'have a nice day.' Without a smile he said 'why should I?' and walked off. It seemed a little rude, though I'm sure I remember this more than the server does. Nowadays, 'have a nice day' can sound tiresome but you still be gracious about it.